B: "......."
A: "It's time to get another one. Or maximum period you should wait for another 1-2 years. Easier to take care together."
B: "For me, one is enough."
A: "What!? You must be kidding? The kid will be lonely. She needs companion, play-mate, someone to share things else she will become a selfish and snobbish princess blah blah blah."B: "Many parents can raise up a pretty decent and obedient kid without siblings, just need to know how to educate. For friends, can meet up neighbours, classmates etc, so not a problem."
A: "Silly thought! One is never enough! You will REGRET! Right now you can't think straight because you are not prepared. Wait till the baby is 1-2 years old, then it is the best time to get ANOTHER ONE. At least two. Trust me. Don't be silly!"B: "..........."
I am not sure how many times the above conversation have been repeated with my family members, relatives and some of my friends. The conversation with closer ones goes like this:
A: "What are your doubts?"
B: "My hubby is going to retire soon, how to afford to take care of so many kids? Especially paying their education fees in future?"
A: "During my time I had no money too, I can still raise up 8 kids. When the time comes, the problem will be solved. You are a Christian, should believe in God. Trust in Him and have no worries."B: "........."
It's easy to say NO WORRIES! As you are not the one who has to get pregnant, suffer everything all over again and worry for the kid's future! Why do we need to hang ourselves just to get a play-mate for the kid? Or is it because you think I should try again for a PRINCE rather than a PRINCESS?
Why I feel that ONE child is more than ENOUGH:
1) I don't want to go through the whole pregnancy thing again.
Enforced bed-rest for threatened abortion, nausea, swollen legs, cramps, fatigue, pain, health problems, injections etc. Some people said that every pregnancy is different, and the next one might not be that difficult. Ya. But if it's still the same? Go for abortion?
2) I don't want to give birth again.
No matter if it is by natural delivery or c-sec, both are painful and takes time to heal. I have enough of that.
3) I don't want to 'balloon-up' my body and gain weight again.
Don't you know that it's difficult to slim down? I'm aging and I hate having to increase weight due to pregnancy again and again.
4) I want to start working soon.
Due to pregnancy and caring for the baby, I'm 'imprisoned'. Not sure how long this is gonna take. But I'm sure that if another baby is popping out in another 2 to 3 years, my 'imprisonment' will be extended for a LONGER time.
5) I need income.
Not working = Lesser income. Although my business is still running, it will never be the same when I'm not there. I need to be more mobile to earn more income for my kid's future. Unless money can fall down from the sky for us.
6) I want to travel more often.
From No.4-6, these are all related to FREEDOM. With one baby, I can still manage to balance my life slowly. If there is another one, my freedom will be lost.
7) I want to 'retire' sooner.
My target for retirement is at the age of 40. Sounds like I have to postpone it to 50 now because of my princess.
8) The most crucial part -- My hubby is going to retire soon.
Yes. Finance is the most sensitive and important issue. Imagine, college school fees are being increased every year. Just to finish one simple course in a local college will cost min RM60k-100k excluding living expenses. After 19 years' time, how much will that be? My hubby will be retired by then, and if I do not have a working life, where will my kids go after high school? Some suggested local university. Well, in Malaysia, how many students managed to 'squeeze' into university? And how many of you who entered can study what you want? Look at how many of straight-A students that failed to get scholarships every year? To study in a private college; one kid, still can afford, but if more than one, everything is doubled or tripled; how to survive? Sell off all properties? Wait for donation? Better stop day-dreaming.
9) Enjoy life.
Life is short. I don't want to suffer so much because of children and I don't wish my children to suffer because of my decision too. Wish to enjoy life with my husband when my princess grows up and able to take care of herself.One is ENOUGH for me. For those who loves a BIG FAMILY, go ahead, but exclude me. Stop nagging because I hate it! I have enough advice so don't try to convince me unless you also offer to pay for my kids' education fees!
The Rude One said: "Why chose an old man to marry while u had so many other choices?"
Thanks for your concern, Rude One. I love my husband and I love my life. I chose him without any regrets. It's my life. And I'm going to choose what I want for my future too!
So please mind your own business. Go and use a toothbrush to clean your toilet bowl if you have nothing to do.
I truly agree with you. Mind your own business.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I planned to have more than 1 kid, but I always respect people's decision.
Likeise, I don't like ppl to comment on what I eat and drink during my pregnancy. I read a lot of books and I asked doctor a lot of questions.
Those 三姑六婆 sometimes really make me fed-up.
When you are ready you are, when you are not so be it! One is better than none (ahemp! me). It is your time, money and life so you decide what you want to do with it. How do they know it is best for you to have more kids instead of just 1? Are they living your life or you? seriously people......
ReplyDeleteThe thing about family or so called friends that care is that they think they are giving you advise as someone that had been through them "all", i am sure they don't mean to be judgemental but at lot of times that's what those advise made us feel. Failure to recognize boundaries is a flaw that comes abundance among family members.
Don't need to explain or get defensive about what you choose to do, you are not hurting anyone by not having a second child. But who knows, the day you feel the urge of getting a 2nd one might come, just do it on your own terms, not what people think it is best for you.
No offense. Of course I know that those who advised me are genuine, hoping that I won't regret in future.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what they mean. Well, I failed to 'tie up' though I wish to 'close factory' that time so we will never know if God allows 'accident' to change my life again.
Sometimes just feel fed up of answering the same questions again and again. Just like last night. Went out to have dinner with 3 new friends. 2 of them asked me the same questions and had the same reactions too. My 'wash your toilet with your toothbrush' is to the one that was 'rude', not to my dear friends, relative and family members. Don't get misunderstood. :)
Well written, described and expressed! Your points are many ppl's plans but seldom they can stand firm after going thru so much nagging and stead that bring doubts and confusion to their lives.
ReplyDeleteU know what u want more than others supposedly. Even if we are wrong eventually we clean our own mess and blame no one!
We all have different priorities in life. Act accordingly！