I remembered before I started schooling, I already worried that my grandpa wouldn't be able to accompany me for long. He kept telling me that he will die one day and I have to learn how to take care of myself.
My grandpa was always the first person who welcomed me home from school. Whenever I fell down, injured and bled, he will be the one who makes me feel better. I love to chat with him, listen to his lecture or stories and I will tell him many silly things to make him laughed.
I wanted him to live forever! That's my greatest wish since young.
I told God, "I know my wish is impossible, as sooner or later a human being must die, but..."
I negotiated in my prayer "I'm willing to live shorter so that my grandpa can live longer. As long as possible!" I prayed.
"At least, long enough to see me getting married and have children. I wanted to earn lots of money and bring him to travel too!" I prayed genuinely almost everyday and night whenever I can remember.
I wrote down many wishes of mine in a booklet, reminded myself so that I can achieved them to make my grandpa feel proud.
My grandpa loves to drink beer and wine before dinner in every evening. He will sit at the front yard, looking at the cars and people passed by, sipping his drink slowly. He told me that is the most enjoyable moment throughout the day.
Since I was 9 years old, I will always accompany him at the front yard and kept asking him lots of questions so that he can start telling me the stories of his life. At the same time, I will try to sip his beer or wine, saying that I must learn how to drink so that I wouldn't get drunk easily in future. He will stop me if I drank too much. I never like those liquid but I pretended to love them. It tasted bitter but I never admit that. I just love to see how my grandpa stopped me from drinking too much (more than 1 sip at a time) and I felt it was very funny!
For all his life, he had been suffered a lot. Not only the time when he was brought up by a single mother in China, he was forced to leave his family, traveled alone from China to Malaysia for living by ship. He also had to go through the days where Japanese soldiers caught him to work and threatened to kill him when the soldiers were in bad mood or drunk. His wife (my grandma) passed away when he was away from work and failed to see her before she was buried.
Every time when he told me about his stories, his eyes were full of tears. I felt sorry for him and I could felt his pain strongly. He said, he felt thankful to have such a good life now with my parents. He felt happy that he can cooked for the family (he was a wonderful chef who always cooked my favorite dishes) and enjoyed evening sip everyday. He was contented and said he asked for nothing more. I didn't really understand at that time because for me, I had many dreams and I wanted to give him so-called a better life!
When I was studying in Singapore and Kuala Lumpur, I learned to save my pocket money so that I could buy him wine at the airport. I always remember the brands of wine he likes and tried my best to make him happy. I started to do part time job during my 2nd year of uni so that I could afford my air tickets and the wine.
I knew he was aging and I still had years to go before I could graduate and start working to earn wages. Deep down in my heart, I always prayed to God that I wish to shorten my life so that my grandpa can live longer. I never want to lose him as I love him very, very much! (I know it sounds very silly and many of you will comment that prayers doesn't work in such a way. I totally understand but I just felt helpless whenever I knew he was unwell.)
My grandpa passed away when I was job hunting in KL after I graduated. I got the news when I was waiting for my flight at KLIA airport, praying to God that I wished I could die at that time so that my grandpa could survived. That night, I cried in the washroom several times before the flight departed. And my tears just couldn't stop flowing down when I was in the plane. The passengers besides me must have thought that I was crazy because I couldn't control my emotion for that 2 hours flight.
He was lying in the bed at the living room when I arrived. His hands were cold and I kept telling him that I was back. I tried to use my palms to warm up his cold limbs. I kept telling him that I love him so much! Told him not to be worried as I will take care of myself well and also my family.
Until now, the pain of losing him has never heal but I know he will always be in my heart!
Grandpa, I will never forget all the stories, teaching and love you had given me.
I love you, grandpa! I feel so lucky and blessed to be your granddaughter. May you rest in peace!
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